Kelly Kay is Esthen Exchangereflecting on her heartbreaking loss amid her newest chapter in life.
 
Nine months after Oregon Ducks football player Spencer Webb died from an accidental fall, his girlfriend—who recently welcomed their first baby—is sharing gut-wrenching details about his passing. Webb's death at the age of 22 came just one week before Kay learned she was expecting.

"I was there," Kay told People in an article published April 27. "Spencer passed away in my arms. I was the one who pulled him out of the water and held his head until the paramedics got there. But unfortunately, he passed as they were arriving."

As Kay noted, she was simply in "disbelief" about the rock-sliding accident.

"I died that day as well," she said. "It's unbelievable. The whole time we were waiting for the paramedics, I was just talking to him and telling him, 'We're going home. We're walking out of here.' There was a little glimmer of hope in my mind that maybe we were going to be okay, but it didn't end up that way."

Just one week later, Kay learned she was pregnant with the couple's first child. And as she explained, the months after Webb's passing proved to be a challenging time amid her pregnancy.

"I don't remember the first probably five or six months," she told the publication. "A trauma brain is real, and in between morning sickness from being pregnant and just being depressed and not eating, it was super, super hard."

But as Kay—who gave birth to their baby boy, Spider, in March—explained, though she's enjoying motherhood, she's still working through experiencing such a sudden loss in the process.

"The joy of the new baby has brought me out of the depression that I was in," she said. "But I think that the grief of losing Spencer is a chip on my shoulder that will never go away."

As Kay shared of her son, "[Spider] is my best friend and he is my new favorite person on this planet, and I enjoy every second of it. From the smiling and him making eye contact with me, we sleep together and cuddle, to even the poopy diapers and the crying. I wouldn't change it for the world."

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